Poor Mummy found it really hard to wake up this morning. She couldn't face a proper breakfast so she only had a couple of biscuits, then she nearly put her milk on the biscuits instead of into her coffee!
When Auntie came home for lunch, she was all buzzy because she had some good gossip which she was going to tell Mummy on her phone when she was walking back to work. We cuddled all lunchtime - I had my belly in the air (my favourite position) and I helped her eat some chicken.
It was just me and Mummy on our walk - well, sort of, because it turned into quite a sociable stroll. We saw Maureen across the field so we went over to see her and I had a nice play with Heidi (Blossom doesn't play). Poor Maureen isn't well - she has a chest infection and was feeling grotty. It turns out that Heidi got sick and bled from her bum at the same time as me and we were both poking around this same mud pile where people dump things and burn them and we both found this scrummy stinky rotten thing and chewed on it and got told off by our people and then we both got sick so I guess it was the manky thing that made us ill. Mummy says serves me right for eating manky things but poor me and why do I always have to get sick on a holiday?
Further on, we met Juno and her Dad. Mummy thinks Juno is daft - I used to charge at her and make growly noises (yes, I know Mummy says I mustn't do that any more) and Juno didn't used to like it, but these days she charges towards me, all waggy tail and soppy Labrador smile. I did bomb her today (naughty me) and she hit the deck, as always, but she came up wagging and was perfectly happy. Sometimes she even socks me one when I do it. Her Dad used to worry but now he sees that she doesn't care, he is ok with me. That said, Mummy still doesn't think that I should be such an oaf...
Up near the woods, there was a man with a big Four By Four standing around and staring at the field. He had a black Labrador with him who put her hackles up when we approached so Mummy held my collar in case it was a boy dog about to have a go. This silly dog showed me her teeth and said rude things to me, then she kept rolling on her back and inviting me to sniff her lady bits, but when I tried it, she would threaten to bite me. I soon got fed up with this and went over to the people to get a fuss. The man kept saying how very wolf-like and good-looking I am, which is, of course true. I enjoyed listening to them because the man was interesting. Mummy said he was a cliche because he was just like Ralph from the Fast Show in his green wellies and green Barbour body-warmer and tweed cap. He was an Agronomer - he helps the farmers decide what horrible sprays to use, and also works on shoots etc.
He was telling us how the deer behave when they want to breed. The lady deer will call the Buck (the man deer), but when he comes to her she goes all coy and tells him 'No'. He curls his lip back in an Elvis smile so he can get a good whiff of her lady smell, and then she runs around a tree and he chases her and they run round and round in a figure of eight until she decides that she will let him catch her after all.
I'm not sure what happens next. The one time I met a lady dog with a special lady smell, I sniffed her and got all confused and went back to my Mummy. Not sure what was supposed to happen there, but it made me feel all funny. I'm safer with Mummy, I'm thinking, than being with a lady dog who makes me feel all funny.
We had lots of cuddles after our walk and now I have to have my tablets and then when mummy cooks the tea, I might throw my ball at her and let her kick it cos she likes that.
all the best
Bruce xxx
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